


Voyage

by Snugglebutt



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-31
Updated: 2012-02-12
Packaged: 2017-10-30 09:49:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/330407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snugglebutt/pseuds/Snugglebutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Dave Strider, but you can't even be sure of that, considering you're just a feathery asshole of a doppelganger.</p>
<p>Your name is John Egbert, and you wish courting said cynical feathery asshole wasn't so difficult.</p>
<p>This was going to be a long three years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> from the kink meme! here's the thread: http://homesmut.livejournal.com/15023.html?thread=28537007#t28537007

Your name is Dave Strider, and you are a feathery asshole on a ship en route to the fourth wall holding enough people to fill five planets. The most notable people being your best bro, the windy kid, and his ectosis, the dog god. You can't help falling over all this hilarity, especially considering John threw a bucket into Jade straight at Karkat's head.

"Ahaha you fucked up," you snicker, elbowing John in the side. "You basically threw the equivalent of a dildo to a group of aliens, you've got some great first impression skills Egbert. Show 'em what you're packing right away."

"Oh shut up!" John says, huffing and crossing his arms. "Like yeah, okay, maybe I made everyone moderately uncomfortable over there, but I'm sure the trolls can work past that."

"Well you've certainly given them something to play with during their journey. A catalyst to all the interspecies sloppy makeouts that are now definitely happening."

"Ugh, now I feel all dirty! Shut up, Dave!!" Jade whines, and you laugh more. 

John chuckles a bit too now, and sits down by a couple of nakking asshole crocodiles. "Oh man, I'm sorry to defile your body like that, Jade." He stretches his arms a bit. "Well, nothing I can do about it now. So we've got three years ahead of us."

There's a bit of a silence then, not accounting for the white noise of the consorts, dersites and prospitians. You can't help but find the prospect a bit relaxing. Almost makes up for the stressful months you spent trying to revive these two kids. "A few years to lay some ill beats, fine by me. If that dope plan falls through I guess I'll sit around drawing shitty comics, alleviate some of Daveprime's hefty workload."

"Right, because it is such a hard comic to write," John teases.

"Shoosh John, you gotta respect a genius at work. Gotta get into artistic zen mode to make this as shitty as possible. Find new methods to compress more and more."

Jade's giggling to herself too. "I'll help with that!! Space is my specialty!"

"Aw yiss, got a god dog with the powers of space to help make my comics as grainy and jpeg as possible." You give her a fistbump; she's deserved one for a while anyway.

John laughs again, and you relish it. You've come down with a case of the fuzzies, being with these two after so long without them. John's easygoing manner is as endearing as ever and maybe that dorky laugh is a little cute. "Watch out though! Alpha Dave will be teaming up with Terezi to make the shittiest possible comics ever! Yeesh, Karkat's gonna get so pissed, he'll be all, damn you fuckers! I said no troll and human sloppy makeouts! Remember when he group messaged us and told us that, Dave?"

And just like that, the fuzzies are gone and you feel your stomach being weighed down. Yeah, no, if you had anything to say on the matter, Terezi was a bitch psycho that tricked and killed John quick into the game, and no, you don't recall that conversation with Karkat. You remember Dave talking about it, but you didn't take part. You never talked to the trolls that much, and the implication that the 'main' you was actually that close to the troll who killed John actually pissed you off whenever you heard it. 

It's that reminder that this isn't your John, and more importantly, you aren't his Dave. You aren't 'main' Dave, you aren't 'real' Dave, and despite this three year respite, you're a straggler from a doomed timeline that the universe loves to cut down. Like it was trimming away the useless parts. You're a dead man walking and you don't even have the comfort of being your own person.

Your face remains stony, but you feel the edges of your mouth tugging downward. Jade was always a bit sharper than John, and she has Jadesprite's memories now too, so she has an inkling to why your shoulders are suddenly a bit tenser. But John doesn't realize why what he said created an awkward silence, so after a few seconds his smile wanes a bit and he just goes, "What?"

And it kills you, because you resent alpha Dave spending more time with John, and you're jealous of your own self, because you want to laugh at the memories with John, and talk about them in a flippant manner. You don't want to be the cynical asshole that's ruining this feel good fest, but hot damn, the wet blanket you are putting on this get together is unreal, it doesn't even happen. Five minutes into this fun get together and you've already started to ruin it.

So you just try and salvage it. "You underestimate me; like shit Egbert, only you would think I'd actually lose out when I have five planets' full of people helping me make the shittiest thing to ever cross any planet in forever. Like you're betting on the horse on a comet with four broken legs, odds like that may have the Egbert brand of approval but no one else's."

And he's laughing again and it's all chill, and Jade's giggling too, but she also shoots you this look that's a little too knowing for your liking and you hate it. You hate being this downer and you hate making people worry. But you've got a feeling that that's going to be happening a lot more on this trip.


	2. Chapter 2

Your name is John Egbert, and no, you aren't completely oblivious like everyone seems to think you are. After all, a pranking master must be able to read the atmosphere and pounce on his prey when they are the most unsuspecting. But neither are you completely fluent with reading the subtle emotions of a certain feathery coolkid.

Like, okay, yeah, you get it. You said something wrong. You aren't completely sure what, you aren't sure why Jade was giving Dave funny looks, and when you approached her about it she'd just rolled her eyes and laughed awkwardly. "Oh, it was nothing!" she'd said. "You know how coolkids are, can never tell what they're thinking!"

Your lip twitched, but you didn't push it. Jade had quickly excused herself to talk to a few of the carapaces (they were curious as to who was holding them in the palm of her hand, of course), and you wandered the ship a bit.

Dave's on the poopdeck (something you have a private laugh about) and had alchemized some turntables. He's holding his headphones to his ears, and he looks entranced, in his own world, and in your own way you are entranced by the sight. His wings occasionally ruffle and his sprite tail flicks, probably to a beat you can't hear, and you can't understand why he's demanding your attention the way he is.

But you can't just quietly stand by and watch him, it would be weird, right? Hesitantly you walk to his side, glancing at his face and flashing him a nervous smile. When he opens his eyes he looks up at you, his eyebrows quirking slightly in mild surprise. "Sup creeper."

"I didn't want to startle you, geez. Plus you looked preoccupied," you say, eyes traveling the length of each of his arms. He's handling the records gently but expertly; it's obvious he's in his element here. You force yourself to snap out of it again. You can't help taking him in, he's always been through a computer screen, and now he's here, even if it is different from what you imagined-- bird wings, for example.

"Well yes Egbert, when one is doing something one tends to be preoccupied with doing it," he says, standing up straight, "not on the lookout for wild Egberts."

"Mind if I listen in?" you smile again, just as nervous. His eyebrows raise again, though you can't really see his eyes past the shades. He shrugs and pulls out earbuds, and you each stick one into an ear. He returns his hands to the records, and plays the music. It's a great sound, with a great beat and rhythm, and you feel a bit happy that you're listening in at all, that you get to watch his dexterous hands on the records.

You hate interrupting him, but you also don't want to stall any more. So, biting your lip, you say during a quieter interval, "Hey, so um, sorry if I said anything that bugged you earlier?"

He skips exactly one beat in the song; you commend his rhythmic surprise. "Naw man," he says as the music continues. "What even are you talking about, like hey, as if things actually bug me."

You huff a bit at the overplayed coolkid dismissive act. "Fine, but out of everyone you can tell me!"

"C'mon man, I know that."

"Just reminding you, I won't psychoanalyze you like Rose. Unless you want me to. I'll get my clipboard and all."

He snickers a bit. "Lalonde's got her hands full with me and a bunch of trolls, she'll be set for life. You know how crazy trolls are, she's probably living it up."

"Yeah, I'll miss her too."

"I wonder what I'll miss more, that patronizing 'how do you feel' crap or me making up dreams to tell her just so she can tell me how homosexual I sound," he says offhandedly. "The gears in your dream represent angst and turmoil and your brother being there indicates that you are a big gay. Thanks Lalonde, write me up a prescription."

You think of his brother, and how he had fallen, just as your father did. The only thing fighting the now bubbling grief in your stomach is the thought of possibly seeing him again in the new session. "Are you excited to see your brother again?" you ask, trying to sound nonchalant.

He's quiet for a moment, then shrugs. "It's whatever. I guess it'll be cool. But not having to worry about fucking smuppets for a while is pretty much the chillest thing ever."

You laugh heartily now, and he shoots a small grin in your direction. The music comes to a close, and he stretches his arms up. "I think I'll take a break from being the flyest motherfucker around, figuratively and literally." His wings ruffle a bit. "Find a pile to get my nap on."

"We're okay, right?" You just want to make sure, everything seemed fine, but still.

He actually looks taken aback before his face returns to his default coolkid face, but he is smiling a bit. "Naw man, seriously, quit worryin', sheesh, you make me feel like a girl on her period."

"Just, I forgot, you don't really like the trolls."

"It ain't like that." He fist bumps you and flies off, and you feel at least a little better, but you have the feeling there are still a few things left unsaid.

And you've got a weird feeling in the pit of your stomach that's making you feel all kinds of strangely nonhetero.


	3. Chapter 3

You don't actually need a nap, but Egbert doesn't need to know that. And no, you're not a nervous wreck or anything, that's kind of preposterous. You're chill as ice when you land next to Jade, poking her in the side. "Yo, Jade. Hey."

She gives you a look, because you're actually interrupting some apparently awesome-as-shit tea party with a bunch of carapaces, but the god tier tea party would have to wait. "Hey. Can we talk?"

"Like, right now? Why don't you just join us, Dave?" She grins, and the black and white carapaces seem nice enough, yeah sure, exactly what you want to do right now, sip tea and talk to these chess pieces.

But it's okay, you're fine, you're just shooting Jade that all powerful coolkid stare and she's rolling her eyes dramatically. She excuses herself from teatime and the two of you walk a bit down the boat. "Yes, mister coolkid, what is this issue of grave importance?"

"I am offended you would use such sarcasm against me, Harley. Skepticism is the crutch of cinematic troglodytes and you are falling into terribly dangerous disbelief territory. Do you want to be eaten by the monster under the bed, all because you won't trust your bosom buddy?"

"Dave quit rambling and spit out!!" she says. "I am not disbelieving you have all these big problems, I am disbelieving you had to interrupt the tea party for it."

"Look I don't know if those guys want to hear me air out all my dirty laundry. I actually care about my first impressions sometimes. I've got a reputation to uphold."

She snickers a bit. "Gosh, Dave, sorry." Her smile wanes a bit. "You seem worried."

"Naw, man, I don't worry. I'm chiller than fresh snow on Christmas morning. Just been thinking a bit and you're a cool gal to shoot the shit with."

"Okay, so shoot!"

"Harley, what do you do when you think your best bud's projectin' his feelings for someone else onto you. Hypothetically. That other person definitely not being Daveprime."

She sighs. “C’mon Dave, don’t be like that.”

“Yeah okay whatever. You’re right Harley. This is all just peachy and I’m—”

“Okay, Dave, I get it, really,” she says, sounding more sympathetic. “I’m not brushing you off!! But you are being very silly. I knew you two would act like two big dumb dorks when you first met.”

“I think you mean two awesome dudes.”

“Uh, no, you guys are totally acting like the opposite of that!” She snickers. “But it’s okay. You guys are all kinds of nervous and you are especially, Dave.”

“Man I have nerves stronger than diamond, fucking inner earth core magnitude heat can’t shake ‘em.”

“And that’s why I’m here to help you! In fact, I have the best advice in the world for you.”

You quirk an eyebrow, a bit curious now. “Then lay this dope plan on me, devil dog girl.”

She squishes her cheeks together in an exaggerated motion. “Kiss him on the mouth!!”

“Wow, okay, wow, I didn’t know we were talking about smashing the uglies.”

“Right on the mouth!!”

“Yes, and we will be the perfect yaois forever,” you say in a noticeably obnoxious Texan drawl. She giggles at the way you destroy the Japanese language. “And, wow, because Egbert is definitely a homosexual.”

“He is a coolsexual, is what he is,” Jade says knowingly. “And I thought you said he was ‘projecting his feelings’ and stuff.”

“Bro feelings. No homo feelings consisting of platonic fist bumps and rapoffs and other obnoxious bro behaviors like that. Brohaviors.”

“What, so he’s not allowed to be your bro? Why?” She pouts.

“Naw man, it’s not like that. It’s just that Egbert’s pretty much the dimmest bulb and isn’t realizing that his bro is on a comet right now.”

“But you’re Dave too!”

You sigh in frustration. Yeah, you’re Dave. A Dave that let down your best bro and wasn’t able to save him. You aren’t the Dave that went along with Rose to create the green sun and become a god, you aren’t the Dave that spent time coordinating plans with John and Jade. You're the Dave that tried to and failed to help your brother, watched him die, then waited to die with Jadesprite. You were pretty much a useless feathery asshole ever since your existence came to be, but everyone pretty much ignored that and treated you no differently.

You were the one in this hellhole of a game for months, and didn’t come out any better, just more bitter and tired. You were pretty much just there to power up alpha Dave and then watch from the sidelines. And now that John's here and tangible and touchable, you feel guilty about your feelings for him and any hopes you have, because who the hell are you to want him?

“Dave, you shouldn’t worry so much about comparing yourself to all the yous floating around.” She has a small smile on, and she puts a hand on your shoulder reassuringly. “It doesn’t make you any less you!”

You don’t respond, and she just sighs. “I think you should talk about this with John, too.”

“As if this anything to discuss, like wow, what was all that figurative vomit I spewed at you? Sorry Jade, I’ll get you a towel and you’ll be all better. Get all the bird throw up off of your tail.”

“I don’t have a tail!” she says, giggling. “But really, Dave! If you don’t want to, that’s fine too. I’m just suggesting. And maybe you should go rest, you’ve had a long day.”

“I guess.”

“Join our tea party, maybe?”

“Fuck yeah, you know I’m classy like that.”


	4. Chapter 4

Your next few days fare about as well as your last. You and Dave are still best bros at the core, and you love getting to know how he acts outside of a computer screen-- he's a total dork, like you always knew he would be, but still the coolest guy you know. The two of you take to pranking carapaces and denizens, because you both are at the pinnacle of your maturity, as well as the occasional rap off. (You don't take to it easily. He's unsurprised.) Jade partakes as well, ocassionally. (When she raps her language is filthy. She's surprisingly good at it.)

But there's something different about your relationship, and you both know it-- there's a charged, tense atmosphere sometimes, as if one of you is going to break into unknown territory. For the love of you, you can't read him. He'll brush off and ignore any compliment or extent of affection you give to him, and you're rapidly losing confidence. Thankfully, you can be stubborn when need be.

"It's really cool though, I'm having a blast with you guys!" you say, and the two of you are watching the edge of this universe off the side of the boat, a dark green expanse.

"It could definitely be worse." He's smirking a bit, looking forward, and in his profile you can actually see his eyes behind his shades. You feel some heat rush to your cheeks-- they're lovely, burning orange and they look content. You get the feeling that he's got expressive eyes, just to betray his coolkid image.

When he glances to the side and notices you staring, he turns towards you, his eyes hidden again behind his shades. "Enjoyin' the view Egbert? Can't blame you for wanting to spend the greater part of three years gazing at my beautiful visage."

You laugh. "Haha, yes, totally. I am totally loving just staring at those Stiller glasses all the time. They are just so fly."

Truth is, you probably could spend quite a bit taking in his eyes, but your eyes are wandering now.

Oh man. His hands. They are right there, just in reach, and he is saying something that you are definitely not paying much attention to.

You could be so suave and romantic, just reach out...and take his hand...and tell him something kind of sappy and dumb, but cool you guess. But your palms are sweating and you can't remember any cool romance movies because your head's all foggy and man, he probably already knows that you like him, because you probably suck at this. He probably thinks you're weird and he is probably not a homosexual.

But man. If you did it. And he actually didn't think you were being gross? If he felt the same way you did? That would be awesome.

Maybe tomorrow you'd do it. Maybe tomorrow you could gather up the mangrit to sweep him off his feet. You always tell yourself this.

\--

Your name is Jade Harley, and you wonder if every boy in the world is as dumb as your brother and Dave.

Seriously!! All right, so maybe John isn't so bad. He's trying, gosh darn it, but watching him always wimp out at the last second was physically painful. What a wimp! You really need to school him in mangrit.

And Dave's perpetually doing somersaults through his feelings behind those shades. And you're almost as frustrated as John is about it! Dave's obviously not going to give, so it's up to John, and he was tiptoeing too slowly for your liking. So you pull him aside one day for a little talk.

"John, why are you taking so long to tell Dave you like him?" you demand.

"Aaaah, why do you even know that!" he yelps, blushing a bit. "And here I was hoping I wasn't obvious!"

"Man, you two are both obviously in love and I am just over here, waiting until you guys stop being all slow." You pout. "But Dave's got issues and is scared, and you're scared, and it's taking so long, so I just wanted to tell you that you should hurry up and tell him! It'll be great and you two can stop being so scared."

"Wait, what issues does Dave have?"

"He's probably still worried about alpha Dave and all that," you say, frowning a bit. "This is Davesprite after all, he's always been more worried about that kind of thing since he isn't alpha Dave."

"Shit, that's it, isn't it?" John exhales, thoughtful. "Wow, I am the dumbest, it is me. I didn't even think about that. That's what's always bothering him, isn't it."

You're sighing now. "You do realize, that every single Dave is a little different, right?"

"I...yeah, I guess, but they're all still him at the same time?" He pushes his hair out of his face, eyes glazed over in thought. "Shit Jade. I think I messed up. I think I'm a pretty shitty friend right now." He's quiet for a few moments then shakes his head. "Yeah. I gotta go talk to him."

"Go for it," you say. You hope he'll get some headway, for both their sakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, if anyone was curious, my writing tumblr is here: http://taylorswingdings.tumblr.com/ Though it's not up to date due to some technical tumblr difficulties :c


	5. Chapter 5

The problem with sleeping is dream bubbles.

You’ve been lucky so far, drifting about peacefully alone, but you knew it was only a matter of time before you ran into some dead people you could do without seeing.

When you become aware, you’re in your room in Texas, and for a split second you’re without your wings, you’ve no sword wound, you’re not glowing orange. But that’s all on account of memory shenanigans, and when you shake off your initial bleariness you remember who you are. The wings return, your bandages, your sprite tail.

You glance around absent-mindedly, seeing all the furniture in place, the cords to your turn tables littering the floor and being a general hazard to walking, the fan whirring in the corner. Posters line the wall, as well as a few shitty swords. By a poster is a note you don’t remember seeing before, and you float towards it, squinting your eyes and reading it.

‘bro.  
roof. now.  
you got a HOT DATE with this BEAUTIFUL WONAN’

“Seriously, Bro.”

You head towards the roof, tension boiling in your stomach. When you open the hatch, you’re momentarily blinded by the sun— and then everything is in focus, and you don’t see your bro anywhere, but you’re on guard anyway.

It’s pretty much a useless gesture, because he flashsteps by you and ruffles your hair. You snarl, combing your hair back with your hands. “Bro you are a giant patronizing dick, man.”

“What a shame, I thought my dear brother would be relieved that I wasn’t beleaguering him with attacks for today.”

You roll your eyes; this guy was proof that you and Rose were related. The perfect mix of patronizing dick and ironic cool guy.

When he finally stops messing with you and just pretty much appears in front of you, you bite your lip and look him over. His shades are in place but you know his eyes are glassy white behind them, and you know that under his shirt is a wound where he was impaled.

“Cut out the fucking wibble, man. It’s unbecoming.”

“Shove it, horse dick,” you snarl.

He snickers a bit, striding up to you. “As much as I loathe to miss a nice hashrap battle, I don’t have a lot of time. You should really get a better sleeping pattern, little dude.”

You quirk an eyebrow, crossing your arms. “Yes, I’ll get right on that, put it on priority with fucking tea parties.”

“You had no etiquette during that, by the way. Thought I fucking raised you to be classier than that, didn’t even pop your pinkie.”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about, I am a classy wonan.”

He kneels by you, leveling your faces together. You can see his eyes now behind his shades, and they aren't completely white like you thought, there is a light, light orange where his normally dark orange pupils would be. “Lay it on me, little dude.”

“John's around here too, isn't he?” you ask in a small voice. “The one I couldn't save.”

He ruffles your hair. “That kiddo's fine too, promise. He's at peace with it now. But he sure does regret not listening to you.”

“Haha, no shit Sherlock.”

“I'm proud of you, kid. I wanted to let you know that.”

Your breath catches in your throat and you feel a tight binding in your chest. Yes, your brother truly was the master of irony. He tells you he's proud of you when you couldn't save him.

When you wake up, you are cool, and under control, and not flipping out.

\--

"Dude, are you okay? You're totally shaking."

You're crouching by Dave now, who'd just woken up, laying in a pile of pillows. You reach out to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, but he pushes your arm away. Surprised, you rear back a bit. "Dave?"

"Sorry. Shit man, I'm sorry." He puts his hand on his head, leaning down. "My fucking bro has me all shooken up in my dreams, he's such a thoughtful guy."

"You saw your bro?" you ask, eyes widening in curiosity. 

"Yeah, guy loves to mess with me." He's quiet for a while, head bent down, and he looks tired. You can see his eyes behind his shades closed. You bite your lip, quiet for a few moments.

"So what happened?" you finally ask, scooching just a little closer. "If you wanna tell me, man. I'm here for you."

"Man, for how fucking long?" he asks, a bitter edge to his voice. "How fucking long 'til you do something stupid again and I can't save you?"

You open your mouth, then shut it. He's shaking again, and it's really getting to you. He gives out a curt laugh. "But naw, man, you're different, you're the one that listened to me, like wow, thanks for that faith."

"Dave, I'm sorry." He hesitantly looks up at you, but he's still not cracking much of a facial expression, he's still hiding behind his shades. "I've kind of been a huge idiot, you know? I'm sorry."

"Man, you can't be apologizing for always being a huge dumbass, like that's just the Egbert charm." He offers a weak laugh.

"Thanks though, man. For doing all that." He's looking away now, shrugging a bit, and it hits you full force, all of what he did. Spending all that time in the game with Rose, raising boonbucks and going back, knowing damn well he was doomed-- it kills you. And you're struck by how much that means to you.

He means so damn much to you.

You can't help yourself, you pull him into the biggest brohug this side of space, and he lets out a surprised noise that reminds you of a squawk. "Shoosh, Dave. Only brohugs now."

"The fuck, man. You're not cool." He's stiff for a few seconds, then, tentatively, he leans his head against your shoulder. "Whatever." His shoulders slack.

You sigh against his shoulder, electricity coursing through your veins. You're aching with how deeply you feel for him, how much he means to you, and you wish you aren't so damn scared of saying it. This isn't the time to be scared, but you have no idea what to say.

So you kiss him. 

Your glasses clack against his shades and both fall to the ground, you crush your lips to his, and he freezes. And shit, he was pulling away, and your heart was pounding, and he was looking at you with wide and stricken eyes. 

You feel something crumbling inside your chest. You try to talk, but your voice won't come, and you're suddenly terrified of what he'll say.

"John, what the fuck?"

"Shit. I'm sorry Dave." You scramble for your glasses and his shades, and after you put yours on you hand him his shades uncertainly. "That was..."

He snatches his shades back and sighs. "Fuck. We need to talk."


	6. Chapter 6

For every ounce of nervous happiness you feel, there's about a thousand pounds of raw anxiety on your shoulders. And for every iota of hope there's a galaxy's worth of self-doubt with a sprinkling of futility.

Fuck. John just kissed you. 

The idea replays in your head as a sickening coda, making it hard for you to organize your thoughts. And here you thought you were the one pining away like a lovesick school girl, but now that this is real, this is a thing that was happening, you just want to ollie the fuck out on unreal air. Shit, you can't handle this.

And shit, he's wearing this heartbroken look that you just want to kiss away. You always thought you'd be the one on his side, disappointed and disillusioned, but wow, looks like you were the lucky lady who's longing looks actually turned out to work.

But no. You had to end this.

"Fuck, John, you're not mine."

"Ugh, bullshit, Dave!" He's gritting his teeth and balling his fists, and you raise your eyebrows in surprise. "It's fine if you don't feel the same as me, but I can't accept that as a reason to reject me."

You admit it, you're taken aback and left speechless for a moment. Afterward, you shrug. "You're the one propositioning, can't really pick and choose how I decide to dole out my responses, can you?"

"Dave, I love you, okay?"

Shit. Your heart drops to your stomach and manages to flutter into the abyss at the same time. You're definitely freaking out and you can feel yourself burning. But John's staring at the ground, looking both angry and embarrassed. "I just...I know you probably thinking I'm being an idiot again. But I really do, okay? I'm sorry if it fucks up how you see me, or if you don't like me, or whatever."

"Hope you aren't just trying to get a god tier prankster's gambit." Your voice does a weird, croaky thing, and you're even more embarrassed than before. John looks up, and blinks.

"Man, I wouldn't do that, even if I got the craziest boost. I wouldn't do that to you, Dave." He takes a deep breath, obviously trying to organize his thoughts. If he can get his head on straight even slightly, he's succeeded more than you. "If you don't feel the same way, just tell me. I still want to be your best bro. So do you not have feelings for me?"

You don't respond.

He looks you straight in the eye. "Or do you maybe sort of feel the same?"

"Shit, Egbert."

"Sheesh, Dave, you're not the only one scared!! I'm trying, though!"

"I don't want to hurt you, John," you manage.

You want to scream and thrash and get it through his thick Egbert head that dammit, you weren't worth it. You've already got a quick bulleted list of everything wrong with anyone interacting with you for forever, how everything you're involved in leads to ruin and despair, and how you were a big bitter impersonation of who he loved. You wouldn't make him happy.

But dammit, he was pulling you so close, and then your thoughts were gone, in a haze of indulgent love. And you're kissing him as your eyes tear up, and he's so warm, and inviting, and so real, that you can't help yourself.

You love him so fucking much, you can't help it, even if it feels like a hollow victory at best.

\--

You call your relationship a work in progress.

The two of you act pretty much the same, joking around and messing with each other. There's just the occasional touching and kissing that the both of you are too shy to even talk about much. You figure that's pretty much the norm for kids your age.

Occasionally Dave will get sensitive or moody about certain topics, but most of the time you're able to cheer him up. Sometimes your efforts just get a sad, listless smile from him though, and he'll just want to have some alone time. Other times he'll want to go talk to Jade. You're not jealous, exactly, you just wish he could talk to you about all the stuff that bothers him from time to time. Jade just tells you he talks to her about 'sprite' things, which, okay, you have no knowledge of, but still. 

But those episodes are few and far between. Dave isn't the type to constantly brood and he'll fly over to you afterward and apologize for the "soap operatic emotional dumps he took on Jade about once a month." You just laugh and call him an idiot and ruffle his feathers.

You have your moments, too. After all, this game has been cool in a way, but some days you just count your losses and try not to miss your dad too much. Dave's pretty keen at telling when you don't feel so hot, and he just wraps his arms and wings around you and you laugh sadly and let him. 

He gets you to open up, and then he'll open up, and the both of you will talk about your guardian or school and how life was back where you both lived. You love teasing him about his Texas accent and any rebuttal he makes will be so dramatically southern your stomach starts to hurt from laughing too much. 

"Love you, man," you'll say to him, and you've said it before, but it still makes you flush a bit to say it.

"Dork," he'll say, but he's the one blushing and trying to hide a goofy grin. "Love you too Egbert."

It hits you that that's the first time he actually said those words out loud to you. Now you're the one with a big goofy grin. 

\--

Your name is Dave Strider, and you were definitely pretty cynical about how your relationship was destined for failure.

You don't fancy yourself the pessimistic type often, but you have been shaken up lately, and you think you deserve some slack about it, considering the circumstances.

You know you'll always be embarrassed about how volatile you've been acting, but John's a cool guy and is being unbelievably patient with you.

You're pretty sure that's why you were pretty hopeless before-- you didn't think he'd put up with your shit like this. Hindsight being twenty-twenty and all, you're not sure _why_ you thought that. He's always put up with your shit.

"Finally," Jade says to you one day, grinning with her buck teeth all out. "It's good to see you happier and hopeful, Dave!"

"I have always been a veritable well of rainbows at least twenty percent jollier than everyone else," you say, shrugging. "So I don't know what you're talking about."

You even get up the balls to tell John you love him back. You don't know why that took so long either, but it was probably blocks in your psyche and all that.

But it's worth it. He looks so happy he's about to burst, and you're not feelin' so bad yourself. You take Jade's advice and kiss him right on the mouth. Things were finally looking up.


End file.
